Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Devil

After the amazing church service we had last week, I should have known the Devil would make an appearance shortly thereafter. I know he can't stand for us to gather each week and praise, worship, sing, love, pray. Other members have stated before that after a service like that, the Devil gets after them. Well, I have a story...

I went to bed Sunday night thinking about how wonderful He'd been to us, how wonderful He felt. My own daughter even noticed that the service was a little different. On the way home she had asked me who the lady was. I wasn't sure who she was referring to so I asked for some detail. She described what she was wearing and then she said, "You know, the one that was at The Altar on her knees, praying, the lady that looked like she'd been Touched." My heart melted knowing that these kids pay attention to us more than we think, and she was watching...

Sometime, during the wee hours of Monday morning, I awoke in an awful sweat. I remember the horror I felt. I was sick with disgust that I literally felt nauseous. I immediately prayed very hard that He would remove the demonic images from me so I could find rest again. He did, almost. I have absolutely no idea what the details were but all I know now is that I was trying to crawl away. I was crawling away from a very evil presence and I was trying to get back to a place where I felt trust and safety and love. I was crawling with all my might but the Devil had me by my ankles. No matter how deep I dug my nails into the ground, pulling with all my might, he still had hold and had no intention of letting me go. I think I was left with that image for a reason.

I tried the next morning to remember exactly what I had been dreaming and no matter how hard I tried to pull the information up, all I could see was the evil presence over my bed hanging on to my ankles. I said more prayers than usual that day and went to bed in peace that night. At midnight (12:08 a.m. to be exact) I awoke with tears running down my eyes. I felt of my pillow and it was soaked and I just lied there on my back wondering what I was crying for. I had a project on my mind for some reason. This is one that I thought of a long time ago, just something I'd like to do in the future and have put off. I wasn't sure why I had it on my mind after all this time, and in the middle of the night. Why had I awaken for this?

I sat there with my eyes open and it was like I was watching a movie. It contained lots of bits and pieces of things I've seen in the past and made mental notes of, but never did anything with other than make that mental note to remember it. As the "movie" went on and on and the story got deeper and deeper, I never quit crying. I became so stuffy that I had to get up and get water, but no matter what I did, the movie kept going, and I kept crying. I knew He was reminding me of these things so I would start the project I've put off for months. And this is how it should be done.

I was afraid that with all those tears I wouldn't be able to start right then so I told Him that I would get started as soon as I rested. I never did go back to sleep, I kept lying there watching this "movie" in my head and I was amazed at how well put together it seemed. That was my trepidation to begin with, not knowing how to start or what to do once I did start this major project. I finally stopped crying hours later but it felt so good to just lie there listening. I wasn't actually asking Him for anything for a change, He was just giving. He woke me from a deep sleep so He must feel like it's important, and I'm in awe that He chose me to do it.

I had planned to start it very early but when a call came in at 5 a.m. to work that day (Wed) I didn't get to start. I told myself that it was okay because I could do it this summer or whenever I had time, all I had to do was rewatch the "movie" in my head and it would all work out.

I was very excited to attend church Wednesday night, almost giddy for some odd reason. When I got there, I realized the message felt geared directly to me. I wanted to slump down in my seat to confirm my guilt but I sat there in shock instead. The preacher was talking about staggering when God gives you something to do. He went over and over how if you stagger, pass up on what He has to offer, someone else may come by and listen to Him, taking your opportunity. I know I can do it...I just have to commit. I actually sat down and got started with is a major step forward but this will take at least several weeks (possibly months) and I'll need lots and lots of prayers behind this. I'm not saying it's going to be something fantastic and great, it's just something I NEED to do, I want to do, and something I shouldn't have hesitated on in the first place.

Today's message had some of the similar points that the preacher was making before. Have faith, hope, love. I can do this, I want to do this, I need to do this. Some people were attacked in other ways this week, some of my favorite singers were sticken with illness and had been sick all week and I'm sure if I asked others, I'd find out more had the Devil on their tail too. But we made it back to praise, worship, sing, love and pray. Today the preacher basically told me to focus. So I pray (and I hope you will to) that despite the busy week I have here in the flesh...that I will spiritually progress, and work on this wonderful little project I've been blessed to receive.

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