Monday, March 19, 2012

A Place for Me

I was as excited to see that tall white steeple just over the tree tops as the road led us into the parking lot. Families were leaving behind their vehicles and traveled by foot from the parking lot up those concrete steps with their Bibles in hand. My family took our places on the familiar pew we usually rest our backs upon.

If you had asked me a year ago if I needed anything, if there was anything you could do for me or my family, I would have said no. We had a roof over our heads, we had shoes on our feet and though our cupboards seem bare at the end of the week, we have never missed a meal. I didn't think we needed anything anyone could offer us. But I had no idea what He was about to give me.

It's been about 10 months since I walked inside those four walls for the first time. I had grown up being dropped off at the doors of a church only to be picked back up when it was over. I've spent years as an adult in and out of churches and there never was a really good fit for me. I had become content that I would worship alone, at home. I knew I had secured my place in Heaven so what did it really matter if got up every Sunday, and met with people I really didn't know...people who pretended things were perfect, people who had no idea what it's like to walk out in your yard and burst into tears because The Lord has painted the sky with the most beautiful sunrise you've ever seen, because He knew you'd love it...people who have no idea how beautiful a sparrow sounds, because your deaf children can now hear it...people who have no idea how heavy burdens feel on the shoulders of a tired mom just before she kneels down in the middle of her living room to seek His help and how weightless she feels as she stands back up...I was content with home, and Home.

As the old song goes, "as small as I am", He loved me enough to find a place for me. A place where there are times the preacher doesn't even get to preach because he doesn't need to. A place where beautiful people stand up and shout through tears that the sun was so warm on their skin, that they found themselves moving their chair as soon as the shade found them, back into the sun because they missed the warmth and how they wanted to be found moving their chair closer and closer to The Son because even when it rains, they know He's there.  They might need to just move their chair closer to see Him, to feel Him. A place where people are so filled that they laugh out loud, shout out loud, and cry out loud all at the same time. A place where the songs are felt instead of heard, a place where people leave prettier than they came in despite their make up being on tissues when they leave...

No one ever asked me if there was anything they do for me or my family, but He knows what we need when we need it. So much happened yesterday and I can not stop thinking about it, about Him and His Blessings that I don't even deserve. I'm so happy that my children have a church like this where both Mama and Daddy sit next to them on the pew. They see the tears we shed, they see what it's like to really worship, they see that we're not pretending to be someone we are not, they see that we are welcome and most of all, they see that we are both unworthy and worthy all at the same time.

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