Tuesday, June 26, 2012

HE Left Him

Over eleven years ago, I had a tiny little boy. This little boy came with two lists. One was a list of things the doctors knew was wrong with him, the other, was a list of things that could be wrong with him. As they handed me my newborn son, and presented me with their lists, I had to wonder if I'd even get to keep him. I feared I might soon receive news that he'd leave this world before he even knew he was in it. They began running tests that very day and booked his first four months of life up with appointments. I took my child in my arms, and I told The Lord, "Please don't take him." With tears running down my exhausted face I added, "I'd like to keep him a while"...and HE left him with me.

Seven months later, he became sick. Nothing seemed to work, breathing treatments, antibiotics, pain meds, doctors...I finally took him in my arms, and walked into the ER at Children's Hospital. They frantically went to work, admitting him quickly to the Critical Care Unit. The nurse's face told me that she was doing her best, but he was just so sick, barely even getting any oxygen in his tiny little lungs. The high fever didn't want to break but I picked up my screaming baby that I could barely see through the thick river which flooded my eyes. I was certain HE was coming back for him. I said to The Lord, "Please don't take him. I'll do whatever you ask me to do. I won't let you down." And again, HE left him with me. The Lord knew that I wouldn't keep that promise but HE left him anyway.

Tonight during revival at church, a young preacher spoke through his own tears as he pressed gently down on the piano keys. He talked about wanting his sick little grandmother, to be left here with him even though he knows she's going over to Glory when HE calls her name. That really stuck with me tonight and The Lord's had plenty of opportunity to come back for my child in these eleven years. But tonight, he sat next to me on that pew. He clapped his hands to every song. He nodded his head when the preacher spoke. He whispered "God Bless You" just like the adults. The Lord is very giving, despite how little I give. HE left him...and that's only one of the many reasons I need to be a better mother, wife, and child of God. I was Blessed yesterday, today and will be tomorrow if He sees fit leave me in this world another day. It's time I pay back a promise I made him years ago. I hope I find myself doing whatever HE needs me to do.

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