Sunday, February 24, 2013

I Just Wanted to Say...

I sat quietly on the pew completely aware of everyone around me, but knowing that soon, it would be just me and The Lord. Again in the very early dark morning, I had found myself down on my knees praying. I felt like I had not prayed long enough but when my head rose I could see the break of day, and I longed for that pew...

I closed my eyes several times in the middle of different songs to hear with my heart, and not my ears. Everytime my eyes shut an image of that man, pierced with thick nails and blood draining from his skin was pasted on the inside of my eye lids, and HE was looking at me...

I tried to see through the liquid glass that coated my vision and could barely make out a man and his mother standing before us in song. She has that voice that every church needs. With just the right amount of The Bible Belt mixed with the confidence of her age, she means every word she's ever sang. I wonderd how it felt for the two kin, to be standing side by side, singing for HIM.

One after the other, the Testifiers stood. I could see them speak, I could hear their words but I could only feel HIM, and HE was everywhere in that room. They spoke of the child again,...the one who had died many years ago in a car wreck just after this little country church had dismissed from one of the evening services. I didn't know this church even existed at that time, but HE already knew I'd one day be part of it. There are many who are no longer seated on these pews and The Lord must think my little family is something special, to have hand-picked us to sit in their place. The teen's mother spoke from the piano bench about having to say goodbye to her oldest child that day, and her fingers began to gently play on the old ivory keys. When she finished, she began to sing. Words left her heart and a smile came upon her face and I just wanted to say, I'm looking forward to Heaven too!

A grown child of the man who sits on the front row and touches the cross on the side of his pew with tips of his fingers, stood to lead a song. Her Daddy stood up beside her and with his arm around his baby girl, she cried out that Jesus did it for her, HE died on the cross for her. I could no longer tell if I was crying or smiling anymore as I watched her call out to her brother that sat on a pew with his family. The two siblings like to joke between them, which one their Daddy thinks is the favorite child, much like my two children do...and all I could think of is what her Daddy had said a long time ago...The Lord makes us all feel like we are HIS favorite child. HE can give her exactly what she needs and still touch her brother's heart at the exact same moment meeting a different need, and put the peace and stillness around me as if I'm the only child.

Soon the other piano player had taken his seat. I had watched his hands earlier as he'd sat at playing. His fingers moved fast across the keys and I knew The Lord had something in store for Him too. He quietly openend his song book and in a meek voice his words swelled form his chest. "I just wanted to say I love The Lord." Such simple words but often go unsaid, even by my own lips. Next the tall man spoke about the brother he's lived without for 15 years now since that night he left this world and went to be with The Father. Soon, they all began the song they had intended to sing but the one who leads the songs began to cry from his heart. Their song stopped right in the middle and he began to speak too. I began the quietly thank HIM for giving to all of us once again, as if each and every single one of us was his favorite child. The Lord was moving all around that room and I can't wait to go back tonight.
I just wanted to say, I love HIM

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