Thursday, April 18, 2013

Playing Church

I walked in with an upright stature. No one could see my spirit that dragged behind me with its hands grasping around my ankles, not willing to let go. I took a seat and looked around the room, knowing I'd be playing church soon. I didn't even have a Bible in my hands like everyone else, but I was there because I just enough good to desire the position on the pew, and just enough bad to know I needed to be there if I ever wanted my spirit to walk as one with me again.

A preacher stood and he began to speak to me as if we were the only two people in the room. He spoke of enemies. We all have them in some form or fashion, he said. My heart raced because there's no way he could see how discouraged and angry I was. There's no way he knew our lives had been tossed upside down, shaken and then placed back into our own hands to make sense of the mess. But he knew I had enemies, and that is exactly what pushed me through those doors to begin with. This was as real as it gets and I was no longer playing church.

It's been over two years since I walked in that little country church for the first time. I not only learned that I had enemies, but I learned to forgive and forget. I was taught that I needed to be able to face my enemy without reminding myself of how often I've been mistreated, that's what true forgiveness is. I was soon able to walk myself down to the altar and forgive, and I prayed for the enemy.

Yesterday, I was listening to a preacher on the radio talk about these verses:
Matthew 7:9,10  "Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?"
I teared up, still driving down the road and listening to this preacher, as I realized that all those years I carried an enemy with me, it was by choice. I could have truly forgiven earlier, and should have, but chose not to. I realized that all those years this person was asking for bread, I only gave stone and when asking for fish, I provided a serpent.

I no longer waste time reminding myself how much someone has wronged me, or how little they have given every time I see them. The memory is still there but I no longer see it when I come in contact with them. I remember seeing a quote similar to this once, "When someone deserves your love the least, that's when they need it the most." In the world we live in, I must remind myself of this often. Pray for someone the flesh tells you not to, give fish and bread to those who hunger. You may soon find your spirit lifting, rather than dragging behind you. It's been two years since I swallowed my pride and bent my knees and thankfully, I've been doing it ever since. I walked into a building expecting to play church, but I was asking for bread and fish. The Lord gave me bread and fish.

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