Wednesday, May 1, 2013

For Such a Small Bird

My knees bent and my back crooked over them as I placed my hands flat down. My head found rest upon the carpet and my tears spilled into the rug as I shamefully confessed how undeserving I am. I have a calendar filled to the max with events of the flesh but I've not made time for my Lord. Rushed prayers and a handful of leftovers is all I've offered in the past several days and chaos has consumed me.

He forgave me, yet again. and I lifted my head to do better. I walked towards the old cabin's porch and I waited for HIS words. I expected calm so I took a deep breath in and waited. Chill bumps filled my arms as a cooling breeze swept through and I could hear the creaking of the old wooden rocking chair. A bird landed right in front of me with a huge grub worm held tightly between his beak. I thought to myself what a great feast for such a small bird. I heard a dog barking in the distance and he sounded very angry, but I knew I would never know why. I know people that bark all the time and I know they are angry and hurt but sometimes it is not our place to quieten their bark, it's our place to listen to it.

The dog continued and I closed my eyes looking for quiet, looking for calm but it wasn't there. Everything got louder. Birds were flying rapidly and in every direction and my heart began to beat faster. Even though I wanted nothing more than to get up and walk away, I trusted HIM. I sat in the middle of the chaos until I felt compelled to get up and walk toward the barking dog. It could have been a mile away through the woods but I knew I was supposed to walk away from that porch, so I did.

As I walked through my yard, the dog stopped barking. I stood there waiting for it to begin again, but it never did. It just stopped. I looked behind me and I saw color. Flowers were filling the meadow and blooms filled my yard yet I had walked right past it all, unaware because of a little noise. I looked over at the field of deception, the field full of weeds which the farmer had treated a couple of weeks earlier. The field was left almost barren but now that the weeds were gone, it was green, healthy, and productive. I had almost missed that also but I too, have been stricken with weeds, barren and unproductive.

I carried on throughout my yard until I found myself standing in front of a rose bush crying. I remembered as a child how I would see elderly ladies outside their homes staring at their flowers. I always wanted to be like that...have nothing to do but stare at pretty flowers. I walked up to my favorite little tree near my front porch. The faint smell of honeysuckle filled the air and ground was carpeted with white flowers. My husband says that was always his grandmother's favorite tree too and I stood there for awhile, in the peace, in the calm.

I knew I had walked through the chaos and into the calm by trusting His lead. I didn't bother wiping away tears as they fell onto my collar. In the light breeze I began to hear something...something so far away. I couldn't tell what it was but it sounded so beautiful and I wanted to hear more. I stepped deeper into my front lawn trying to figure out what the sound was, but all I knew is...I wanted more.

I stood very erect and very still. The wind stopped for just a brief moment and I heard it again. This time is very prominent and I knew it was the song of a distant wind chime, though I have no idea where it was coming from. It was just there. It reminded me of playing in my yard as a child and hearing the noon-time toll of the local church bells. I listened for as long as it played, back then, and now.

I have found myself in the middle of chaos, in the middle of noise. For once I didn't run from it, I walked into it, knowing I can't always make it go away. I listened to it until it got quiet. I smiled knowing that once again, my Lord has provided such a great feast for this small bird, but I thank him for it all...for the chaos, for the quiet, for the feast, for it all.

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