Thursday, December 19, 2013

HE Already Had

The crispy Autumn leaves crunched under each step I took towards the old cabin's porch. I could hear squirrels scurry to the tree tops as their nervous bodies clung to the pecans they robbed from the ground. I kept walking forward until I could hear my trod grow heavy up the steep incline. As soon as I stepped upon the wooden planks, I realized that I had not been up there in quite some time. The fresh cut wood pile smelled green and I smiled as I took it all in, knowing absence makes the heart grow fonder...

I turned and gazed at my favorite tree. The bare limbs reached high and the perfectly blue backdrop of the sky enhanced its beauty even more. I sat upon an old log and with my hands underneath my chin, elbows propped on my knees, I just watched it. It didn't have to do anything but just be. I thought that many people would mistake the bare limbs as ordinary and never see the beauty of that old tree. My vision began to blur as church began, right on that log...

I went back to two Sundays past. I was sitting on an ordinary pew in an ordinary church service and that was my fault. I looked around and saw people but I wanted to see their Jesus. If they could let their Jesus show just a little bit, if I could see Him shining through, I would be truly blessed this day, but I couldn't see HIM, and that was my fault too. So I closed my eyes in prayer and I decided to ask HIM for something else. "Bless them Lord. If you could just Bless those two right there. They've worked so hard on the Christmas play Lord, just please Bless those two." I opened my watery eyes and looked over at the two. I knew they had worked so hard on that play, it was to be performed that very night and I felt like they deserved the biggest Blessing of the day.

As church came to an end, one of the two spoke. She was announcing what time the play would start when her voice changed. She fought back tears as she described the birth of Jesus Christ and how much planning went into that day. God had planned which tree to plant to eventually be used for the manger and I fought back my own tears, because I could see her Jesus. I had asked for HIM to send her a Blessing, and right then I realized, HE already had...

I looked back at my tree, and almost shouted at how much planning HE has done for me. HE left that one tree in the field and HE knew that I would love it, when it's full of thick leaves in deep oranges, vibrant reds and sun kissed yellows or barren with its back against the painted sky, I would love it. I rose from the log and began to walk around the land. The stiff dead grass pressed underneath my shoes as I traveled across the yard, and I still had church on my mind, so I went back to last night...

I watched the preacher's son sitting next to his Mama. I smiled to myself because I knew what he was about to do. I spoke the familiar words to myself, "Lord Bless that one. Let the Blessing be his Lord. He deserves it." Soon after, he took his Bible in his hand and walked up to the front of the church, to deliver his Devotion. I took a slow deep breath in and I read the verse along with him. I listened to him say the word 'brother' and my heart hurt for him. One of his very best friends had died unexpectedly only a few short weeks ago, and this high school senior stood this night, in front of us, and spoke of his love for HIM, and his love for the one like a brother, no longer here with us in flesh. His words were broken but clear, and I could see his Jesus shining through. I took in another deep breath, not sure if I had even been breathing during his Devotion and I was mighty proud of that young man. I knew that as a child of God, as a human, as a friend of the one no longer here, he needed to do that. I'm not sure if he received his blessing that very night I had prayed for, but he will, without a doubt, he will one day. The Lord gave him that boy for quite some time and HE knew that each time they laughed together, each time they cried together, that this one would be left, standing one day in front of us, saying those words, and he couldn't do that without HIM.

Tears poured from eyes as I faced the sun. For a moment I just stood there, and felt HIM. I thanked HIM for all of these Blessings. HE didn't just give to them, HE gave to me too. I thanked HIM for the down time. Seems like I've been looking for HIM everywhere and I've seen bits and pieces but distraction has kept me from receiving. I also thanked HIM for the down time within the church for those seemingly ordinary services because I know HE has something bigger planned for us all, and I'm so very thankful for that. Pretty soon, we'll look back and say, "HE already had." So much planning for little o' me and I am forever grateful that HE ALREADY HAD.