Monday, November 10, 2014

One More

When my head lifted, I knew I was about to begin my last day. I didn't ask for reasons why or how it might end...I just knew, and it was hard for me to stand. I humbly thanked HIM for the time, and I rose from knees and walked away. Tears flowed as I pressed the button on the coffee pot for the last time. I got ready for work for the last time and I sent the last "I love you" text to my husband. I spoke gently to the children as we made our way toward school. I told no one, that this might very well be the last time they see me. I went about my day with an awareness I hadn't had in a while. I smiled at people while I looked into their eyes so they knew that I saw them, that I noticed them, that they were existent to me. A little boy left his classroom and came to my office. He wrapped his arms around me just out of the blue and held me tight. I wrapped mine around him and just held him for a minute. When I let go, he didn't. I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry because I needed that hug probably more than he did. His little freckled face smiled at me and he looked just like his sweet little mama right at that very moment. I choked out an I love you to him for the very last time and he went back to his class. I couldn't bare to think of how my family would react should The Lord take me HOME this day but there was a softness, a longing, a relief to know I would soon be with HIM....

At the end of the day, I was still here. There was no car wreck, no heart attack, no masked gunman that walked in and took it all away. I bowed once more and I told HIM I should have done better. I should have hugged more, I should have judged less. I should have listened harder and spoke softer. I should have lent a more delicate shoulder for friends to cry upon. I should have calmed my worldly rush and watched my children play. The river of tears ceased abruptly and with HIS hand on back, I'd been given one more day to walk slower, one more day to plant seeds, one more day to see HIM in others, and I again, humbly thanked HIM for his mercy.

We made it to church. I told the children, we'd not have Sunday School this day, HE had plans and with the first song, I knew that to be true. Voices full of strength ascended from the opposite side of the room and they rained down on me. I tried to catch up with the might that mounted high above me but my voice was I just listened. From the pews behind me, from the pews in front of me, from the ones across the voice was loud and true and the unison was quite apparent. For the first time in a long time, it was hard to hear individuals. There was a depth from inside that could not only be heard but felt. The sun shone bright through the frost of the little glass windows and the room was white. The room began to bleed with a pureness I'd not felt in a while. Knees were bending at the altar and hands were raising high.

Voices spoke in humble trembles and I could see the mass mending no needle and thread could have repaired. I watched mothers at the altar with the tiny arms of their own children wrapped around their backs as they prayed. My eyes were burning from the sting of sin, the fountain of forgiveness and the sanctuary of salvation.

I was in HIS house at that very moment, and The Spirit was moving all around. I saw the little freckle-face boy clinging to his daddy's leg and I hoped that one day, I'd still be around to pay back that hug he had given me earlier in the week, when I needed it most. We all soon stood and began walking. We formed a line and just walked around the inside of the church to tear down any walls that might remain. Everyone was walking, but the one who couldn't. The preacher walked over to her tiny little wheelchair and began pushing her around with her mother following close behind. Shouts were heard as they soaked deep into the paneled walls. Not long after that, that very child pushed her chair to the front of the church by herself. She raised her index finger high and began singing in her sweet child voice, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine..."

The preacher refused to dismiss us as we all eventually went our separate ways but words can't describe how much we needed that service. We had to go through some things to get there and that's okay but I am Blessed beyond again this day. HE is always AMAZING! He gave me one more, when I didn't deserve it and it's up to me what I do with that...