Tuesday, June 30, 2015

The Burden of a Blessing

I awoke in a horrid sweat. I had been somewhere, some place awful. I took a few clearing breaths to try and cleanse the repulsive, the evil, the disgust from my skin. My eyes opened and immediately I began replaying the nightmare over and over. I leaned over my bed, physically sick from the visions. As I leaned over, I realized my feet were bound at the ankles. I looked down at the bottom of the bed and there was a dark presence standing there, just holding me by my feet. I wasn't scared of it, I knew it couldn't hurt me, but I wanted to get away from it. I didn't want it anywhere near me, I didn't want it to touch me.

I found myself crawling away. I was no longer inside my bedroom but I found myself digging my nails in the dirt to get away. No matter how hard I tried, my efforts were futile. All I could do was pray. "Lord please take these images from me. Please wake me from this horror and remove the binding the dark one holds. Please remove the sickening visions that will haunt me forever more. Lord let me find rest in you."

When I opened my eyes, I was lying on my stomach, scratching the mattress, still fighting to get away. I looked down and saw only red digital numbers across the room from the clock. The dark one was gone. I had no reason to doubt the Lord but I tested my prayer. I tried to immediately think of where I had been, what had horrified me so, and could not remember. The only thing I remembered was the feeling of being sick in the vile darkness. I remember the dark creature that held my ankles...and I knew The Lord had a message for me, but what?

I went about my day consumed with the idea that the devil was holding me back from something, but what? Church was going great, everyone seemed to be on fire! We were attending anytime the doors were opened. I was writing down everything I could that HE was showing me. That seemed to be my new job, a Gift He had only begun to Bless me with. I can barely write a decent grocery list so I cherished the new treasure. I did everything I could to bring our Spirit filled services home, to write about and to share with the ones who weren't there...hoping they might be get a Blessing, a Touch, no matter their distance. So what more did HE want? What was I not doing?

I couldn't figure it out. The next night, I fell asleep with little trouble, though I continued to ponder the purpose of the previous night's experience. I have no idea what time it was, but without warning, my eyes popped opened wide toward the ceiling. I knew where I was, I knew I was safe, but I could not blink nor take my eyes from the ceiling. Tears from my drying eyes began to pour down but what I was about to see, would answer the burning question of what more can I do?

It was just like a movie only I wasn't viewing a flat screen. I lay there for hours, paralyzed in body just watching it. It was like interlocking events I've experienced, or seen through my natural eyes that I could have never linked. I was watching people I've never seen before connect things together that I had no idea could be related. Though the events weren't exactly as they had happened to me, or exactly like I remembered with my common eyes, I was getting a much bigger picture of something. HE showed me how and why some of the things, even the not so nice things, I've been witness to, could work for His Good. There was a message in the story, and I just lay there consuming every morsel He would let me have. When it ended, my pillow was soaked, and I knew what I had to do. I was to write it down.

I couldn't or wouldn't refuse the burden. I was awestruck for days. With my mouth dragging open many times in amazement, that he would choose me for such a task, I sat down, and I wrote. I wrote for days, I wrote for weeks. As time drew away from the glorious midnight vision I call it, I became weary, and slack. The devil is really good and distracting, and lying, and trying his best to convince you not to do what The Lord asks of you. I carried this burden for quite some time, and though it is by far from perfect in form, it is the story...at least part of it. If nobody ever reads it, it has been a Blessing to me. I learned from my disobedience as well as my obedience. I am honored and to have carried the burden of this blessing. I introduce to you: Ladybug.
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I ask for your prayers as I still carry the burden of finishing the story as it was shown to me. I do not write fiction, never have been able to. My mind isn't as imaginative as it needs to be for that type of work. So pray as I try my best to finish the story. It will take more than my feeble memory to recite it so the true message shines and I will rely heavily on His hand for guidance. I hate to leave people hanging for too long so hopefully by Fall the conclusion will be out. Blessed beyond measure by what he provides Spiritually for me each and every day!